Venerable news reporting agency The Onion has uncovered some depressing news for those of us who have shopped at Guitar Center in the past:
Contradicting conventional wisdom that shopping at the musical instrument retail chain guarantees one a renowned and highly successful career in music, a new study released Monday revealed that a mere 88 percent of Guitar Center customers go on to become famous musicians.
Disappointing news for those of us in the remaining 12%. The silver lining:
“Granted, most of these individuals still achieve modest success, putting out a couple of solid albums and attracting a strong regional following, but they just never quite reach the level where they’re selling out stadiums night after night on massive world tours.”
The article concludes with some advice to help those of us hoping to make it into the 88%:
…every one of Guitar Center’s customers would almost certainly become international music celebrities if they started buying the most expensive kind of strings.
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